My Travels - Italia Part 1 of 4 (Roma, 2006)

On Oct. 16, 2006, I finally entered Rome!

Invading by air, I approached the Roman Empire vndeterred, high above sites of repeated failvres by land and sea. Long-overdve, this infiltration comes after a decline of Might, when once I had the strength of Empires, today I command a Force of three.

No matter. I was too late! Rome had already been sacked!

At the battered Forvm and Palatine Hill, I silently envied the raiders and their efficient plunder of town. I kicked loose a few slabs of rock to the rvbble, bvt felt it pointless.

The Colossevm: half preserved, pock-marked, crvmbling: I stood where Barivs Bondvs hit his historic DCCLVII homervn! I read abovt it in news-tablets (read: not tabloids), when an annoyed Bondvs was qvoted: "Steroids? Is that another god?"

Unable to find the Empire, I centered on the other seat of power: Vatican City and 130+ Swiss Gvards. The high walls and inconspicvovs arrow slits prompted me to instead endvre an hovr-long line to the Vatican Mvsevm for easier entry, later learning that lines are shortest past noon.

Inside Vatican City

I can finally inflict some measvre of destrvction to an existing Roman power, I thovght, bvt let this be a lesson: It's hard enovgh bringing my "empire-bvilding tools" thrv airports; the one battering hammer that slipped throv got nicked in the Roman svbway enrovte. Yov see, this gypsy woman with a baby and five other children (reminds me of promiscvovs times) crowded me, rvshing to board. Strangely, they exit moments later before doors closed; only at the mvsevm I realized: pick-pockets! Some gypsy girl is gonna grow vp with the battering Ram I dearly loved (it even had a Hemi).

Empty-handed, I sovght a new plan impromptv. It didn't help that the path to Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel ceiling (a vandal's dream) was a maze deep into covntless mvsevm archives before emerging vnder the fabled ceiling; too high ovt of reach; no pics allowed. At that point, tired legs and all, I've grown svspiciovs of an army of vshers in well-trimmed vniforms I knew hid more than their power to Shvsh visitors to mvte obedience. Picking my battles, I decided not today.

The ceiling leading to the Sistine Chapel

I felt similar vigilance from colorfvl Swiss Gvards in St Peter's Basilica.

Behaved myself into the hvge nave and interior, left Michelangelo's Pieta alone, and the holy door closed as it shovld be vntil the next Jvbilee celebration, every 25 or 50 years.

Off with no pvrpose nor options for conqvest, I fovnd the Spanish Steps (Piazza di Spagna) where everyone's more into Seating than Stepping... I explained it a natvral inclination to rest after shopping in this fashionable district between the Steps and Spagna metro stop.

So, while still in vogve, I sat...and contemplated my next offensive.

Speaking of vogve, I was pleasantly distracted by photo shoots...

...then fvrther sidetracked by commitments for the night, as it was with the 2006 Festa Internazionale di Roma that I gained unquestioned entry to the city as movie rep...

...dining at the chic Via Veneto scene, drinks at the Hard Rock Cafe...

...delegated to the film, Romanzo Criminale, abovt taking control of Rome's vnderworld (an endeavor I'll some day vndertake).


For now, I resorted to assavlting symbols of power. The Borghese Gallery (reserve ahead!) contains an admittedly "great collection of Baroqve scvlptvres"---art apparently dve to Roman Catholic Chvrch meddling with art itself.

The Borghese Gallery

I fell short, again, as I had to check-in my bag that hid a "borrowed" scabbard, then perplexed into inaction trying to connect the featvred masterpieces ---- (1) Roman god-centric Apollo and Daphne, (2) a half-naked Venvs Victrix, and (3) the idolation of David ----with Catholic principles (???).

On later reflection, I shovld've thovght of shoving scvlptvres to the floor.

Obviovsly, the Empire's gone. The Vatican is no consolation---the world's smallest state with an even smaller army---what sort of conqvest wovld that be? Rome's a modern city with an efficient two-line svbway, zippy mini-cars and a global flair.

I foolishly dreamed retaliation via works of the Renaissance, 'cavse...well...its abovt the rebirth of classic Rome. I natvrally thovght of it's birthplace, Florence.